A little note to my loved ones

1. Forgive me for making you worry about me all the time, even now.

2. I know you are always so accommodating towards me and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I have not expressed it well, but I know it deep in my heart. Really.

3. I might have flared at you but it was usually the situations I was angry about, not you.

4. If it was you I was angry with, I had already done my self-talk. I am not angry with you now.

5. I might have my moments of mood swings, and I thank you for putting up with me.

6. I might have acted kiddy-ish and foolish most times, but my heart and mind were conscious of the real things that I had kept away from my mouth. Believe me.

7. Many things were left unsaid because of the fear of hurting and offending – though sometimes I wish I could just spit it out. Other times, it was just plain laziness.

8. Regardless of the things we had faced, the good times and the not so good times, the happy and the not so happy moments, I still love you. Don’t forget that.

9. Even when we don’t meet, I still think of you, wondering how and what you are doing at the moment.

10. I may be naggy (and noisy) at times. So, forgive me if I need you to start reading from 1 again.

Despite the above, I still hope I have been a good part of your life.

29 Nov 2007 (5.15am)

Graceful Swans and their way of life

I visited the Singapore Botanic Gardens on Sunday after thinking and thinking and thinking about it for months. The last time I ever stepped foot onto the botanic gardens ground was when I was still in primary school, I think. Couldn’t remember anything else except the monkeys and the swans.

The walk took me slightly more than 1.5 hours. Could have been longer if not for the fact that I was more interested in the swans than the plants!

This time round, the monkeys were gone (at least on Sunday when I was there). But the Swan Lake is still there (probably bigger, I cant remember) and as before, a pair of swans can be seen in the lake. And that's my main purpose - to visit the swans.

How amazing! Boththe swans followed each other and moved around together all the time. One followed the other, without leaving each other at any moment. What a couple! Whenever one stopped to drink or rest, the other followed. Whenever one stopped to eat, the other follow suit. Whenever one had finished eating and decided to move on, the other followed.

Even as I was snapping away pictures, I had to make sure both are captured in each shoot. I felt ‘morally wrong’ to even take a pic of just one of them.

How many pairs of the homo sapiens couples can beat the swans? For me, I sure haven’t quite reached there yet. At least on the Sunday, I was at the botanical gardens and my hubby was somewhere else. So well…..

Share more on my visit to the botanic gardens next time.

28 Nov 2007 (10.20pm)

Sing with me - The Twelve Days of Christmas!

Have been trying to memorise this lyrics but never seem to get round it. Might as well put it in here so that it can be available any time!

(The Twelve Days of Christmas)(Lee Greenwood)

On the first day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

A partridge in a pear tree.

On the second day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Two turtle doves,

And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the third day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Three French hens,

Two turtle doves,

And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Four calling birds,

Three French hens,

Two turtle doves,

And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Five golden rings,

Four calling birds,

Three French hens,

Two turtle doves,

And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Six geese a-laying,

Five golden rings,

Four calling birds,

Three French hens,

Two turtle doves,

And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Seven swans a-swimming,

Six geese a-laying,

Five golden rings,

Four calling birds,

Three French hens,

Two turtle doves,

And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Eight maids a-milking,

Seven swans a-swimming,

Six geese a-laying,

Five golden rings,

Four calling birds,

Three French hens,

Two turtle doves,

And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Nine ladies dancing,

Eight maids a-milking,

Seven swans a-swimming,

Six geese a-laying,

Five golden rings,

Four calling birds,

Three French hens,

Two turtle doves,

And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Ten lords a-leaping,

Nine ladies dancing,

Eight maids a-milking,

Seven swans a-swimming,

Six geese a-laying,

Five golden rings,

Four calling birds,

Three French hens,

Two turtle doves,

And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Eleven pipers piping,

Ten lords a-leaping,

Nine ladies dancing,

Eight maids a-milking,

Seven swans a-swimming,

Six geese a-laying,

Five golden rings,

Four calling birds,

Three French hens,

Two turtle doves,

And a partridge in a pear tree.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love sent to me

Twelve drummers drumming,

Eleven pipers piping,

Ten lords a-leaping,

Nine ladies dancing,

Eight maids a-milking,

Seven swans a-swimming,

Six geese a-laying,

Five golden rings,

Four calling birds,

Three French hens,

Two turtle doves,

And a partridge in a pear tree!

Christmas is round the corner (in a month, to be exact), but why am I not feeling excited and eager leh?

25 Nov 2007 (8.13am)

Quote of the Day

"When you are unhappy, is there anything more maddening than to be told that you should be contented with your lot?"

- Kathleen Norris

23 Nov 2007 (8.27pm)

"I have a Dream" - Martin Luther King

I think it was in the poly or uni days when one of the lecturers played the famous speech of Martin Luther King in 1963 on his desire for a 'future where blacks and whites would coexist harmoniously as equals'.

I didn't know what came over me then, got so engrossed, went to search for the speech, and memorised one section of the speech, that goes:

"I say to you today, my friends, that in spite of the difficulties and frustrations of the moment, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slaveowners will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a desert state, sweltering with the heat of injustice and oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day the state of Alabama, whose governor's lips are presently dripping with the words of interposition and nullification, will be transformed into a situation where little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls and walk together as sisters and brothers.

I have a dream today.

I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.

This is our hope. This is the faith with which I return to the South. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.

This will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with a new meaning, "My country, 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing. Land where my fathers died, land of the pilgrim's pride, from every mountainside, let freedom ring."

And if America is to be a great nation this must become true.

So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania!

Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado!

Let freedom ring from the curvaceous peaks of California!

But not only that; let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia!

Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee!

Let freedom ring from every hill and every molehill of Mississippi. From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

I cant believe I really did that! That's why must put this down on record. But I really thought, and still think it is a very wonderful speech...:)

I should be so crazy to redo it all over again!! For those who know me, I may......

I found the website with his full speech, and if you are keen, click here. You can even do a test.

23 Nov 2007 (10.36pm)

Happiness is....

Just came across this quote by Albert Schweitzer and thought it worth sharing:

"Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory"

Not sure if I have a good health, but a bad memory.....sure have. But then, sometimes my brain remembers things selectively.

23 Nov 2007 (10.22pm)

黄莲好吃吗？

终于能够深深体会到“哑子吃黄莲，有苦难言’的利害！往往会吃出一堆气。

可怎么这堆气却又不会让人相气球似的马上升上天。它只会在内心的某处堆着，堆着。。。好象慢慢的在让沉睡中的火山。。。死灰复燃。

(PS: Wonder if my Chinese characters are correct. :)

21 Nov 2007 (9.55pm)

Choice or No Choice

It is really frustrating when people tell me ‘you have a choice’. They may not be wrong but their simple-minded statement, when made to complicated minds like mine, is like pouring water into a pot of boiling oil!

So when is ‘having a choice’ really ‘having no choice’?

Here’s one simple illustration:

A) If you are ask to visit someone, the straightforward choice is

- Go
- Don’t go

B) To the complicated mind, the consideration is

Go -> I really don’t want to but I will not cause any unhappiness
Don’t go-> That’s what I really want but so-and-so will be upset

C) So, to the complicated mind, the choice is really

Go -> I really don’t want to but I will not cause any unhappiness -> I won’t be happy, others won’t be upset
Don’t go -> That’s what I really want but so-and-so will be upset -> I will be happy, others will be upset


If I am more afraid to upset others, my ‘CHOICE’ would be to GO. But that’s not what I want. So where has my choice gone to?

Complicated?

21 Nov 2007 (9.35pm)

Don't take away my space!

I am a very private person.
I need my own space.
If my only hiding place is taken away from me, what does that leave me with?


19 Nov 2007 (8.20am)

Is this me?

One of my greater assets to people:

Making myself do, for people, things that I do not wish to do in the first place.

One of my greater liabilities to myself:

Making myself do, for people, things that I do not wish to do in the first place.


19 Nov 2007 (8.15am)

Dilbert's Law of Work

Found this on a blogger's website (whiskoffee) and thought it's interesting enough to share (have always like to read Dilbert's quotes):


1. If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.

2. A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

3. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

4. It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.

5. After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.

6. The more junk you put up with, the more junk you are going to get.

7. You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

8. Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.

9. When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are seldom talking about themselves.

10. If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a fool about it.

11. Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.

12. Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous".

13. Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of lunch.

14. To err is human, to forgive is not our policy.

15. Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.

16. If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

17. You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

18. People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.

19. If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

20. At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that a person is carrying.

21. When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.

22. Following the rules will not get the job done.

23. Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.

24. When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?".

25. No matter how much you do, you never do enough.

26. The last person that quit or was fired will be held responsible for everything that goes wrong.

17 Nov 2007 (8.23am)

Just me again

Curiosity kills the cat;
Obligations kill me!

17 Nov 2007 (8.17am)

Animals Road Show!

Finally there is an animal roadshow coming to town!
I think it's organised by the AVA, something about abandoned animals, during this weekend at Ngee Ann City.
Really hope I can be there and would be perfect if I can play around with some doggies!!

(Btw, my hammie MaoMao is jogging away happily on his wheel while I am posting this!)

16 Nov 2007 (10.20pm)

Just me

I can be obliging, but I also protest in my own way.
But the pain can only felt by me alone.

16 Nov 2007 (9.00pm)

猜猜看

木目在心
西下美女
手扶下巴
人在尔边
心早已死
言及自己
十件家具
白色勺子
儿女双全
又住一起

<每句猜一字共十字>

16 Nov 2007 (8.33pm)

Bloggers’ World – Introducing Old Beng (A Pro Blogger)

After I started blogging, I realize one could easily get absorbed into reading other bloggers’ posts. I have been reading some other blogs and believe it or not, I actually spent one whole afternoon trying to finish one of the blogger’s posts!

And, I would like to introduce you to another blog which I think is interesting, esp the ghost stories! Here it is: http://oldbeng.blogspot.com/

I find it really relaxing when reading Old Beng’s posts, but ahem, of course not the ghost stories (they are more like, scary!). Avoid reading at night if you can. Hahahahaha….

10 Nov 2007 (9.20pm)

What a rainbow I saw yesterday!

Hey folks, first of all, I haven't seen a rainbow for a longtime. Secondly, I can't remember anytime in the past seeing a rainbow that clear and sharp just outside my house. And finally, this is definitely the first time I see double rainbow!

Can you see the 2nd rainbow to the left of the clearer one?? It was clearer seeing it live, but if you care to look carefully, you can also see it here.

Happy day!!!

10 Nov 2007 (8.55pm)

How to include sufficient exercise into my routine?

My doctor told me that my backache is due to lack of exercise. Told him I am targeting weekends. He said not sufficient. And that swimming would be good.

He suggested that there is a gym at my workplace where I can work on my back, but I told him I won’t want to stay back after work as the traveling time is very long. He smiled.

I have nowhere to slot in the exercise regimes, I know it’s lame excuse but it’s true:

Mondays to Fridays

Between 6 to 7.15am: Wake up, clean up, change, get back to bed till D-Time arrives.

Between 7.15am to 7.15pm: Work (including traveling time of about 2.5hrs to and fro, on my company transport)

7.15pm to 9.30pm (10pm at times): Dinner, clear dishes, bath, wash clothes, sometimes play computer games, sometimes read. Then I will start watching the time when I should go to bed. On Fridays, this time period will be stretched.

9.30/10.30pm to 6am: zzzzzzzz

Especially on weekdays, I have no mood to do anything later at night. The thought of having to wake up early for work ‘haunts’ me every night.

9 Nov 2007 (6.10pm)

人造的问题可真多！

不是吗？有啥事儿不是人造的呢？当然除了天造之灾祸吧。

政策照理是一种给于指导和方向的工具，可是偏偏它又制造了另一堆问题。怎么解决这新问题呢？不就再立一道新的政策吗？很快的，我们所要了解的政策越来越多（有些还挺无理头的）。同时，要应付的麻烦事也越来越多。可能吗？

另一种情况者是：政策不清不楚，说一半没说一半。当被问起一堆处于灰色地戴的问题时，没人能给于指导因为政策也一样的灰。那有怎么办呢？只有照着自己的判断力和解读能力。解得对，过关。解错，那就是捣大霉，自己付责。可笑的是，既然都灰了，那来的对或不对呢？那还真得靠老天保佑喽！只要’当家’的说你对你就对，说你错你就成了牺牲品。

这不是人给人制造出来的问题是啥呀！

难到就是因为如此，我们才有俜用的价值吗？

Oh my god.

9 Nov 2007 (1.06pm)

Bonus Bonus on the way

It’s the time of the year again! Festive seasons, shopping, food, vacations, and BONUS!

But there is something about the organization policy which I simply cannot understand since the first day I joined the workforce.

The Oxford Dictionary defines bonus as ‘a sum of money added seasonally to a person’s wages for good performance’ (er…don’t really understand why ‘wages’ is in plural).

So it is about paying for performance right? Performance for when? My coconut brain reminds me that we are appraised by our organizations annually for performances for a period, say from January to December 2007. Then based on our performances for this period, we are paid certain amount as bonus. Ah, so for our case, it's performance from Jan to Dec yah?

But the payout can be in December, some in January, February and even March, for whatever reasons. The part which doesn’t gel really well with my coconut brain is the question – if the bonus is for my performance from Jan to Dec 2007 and the company makes the payout later, why am I penalize if I were to tender my resignation after the period of assessment and before I receive my bonus?

Supposing the company credits bonuses to our bank accounts on 15 Jan 2008 and I tender my resignation on 10 Jan 08, my bonus will be forfeited. Some companies will even recover the amount paid if I tender on 20 Jan because I have not served the whole month of Jan 08. (And I just realized that for some companies that do not recover the amount, it’s not because of their compassion or goodwill, it’s because of the hassle of recovering!)

Why ah? Isn’t the bonus made to me for my performance from Jan to Dec 2007? And I have stayed for the whole of 2007. Have I missed something? What has it got to do with me staying or resigning in 2008?

Policies are made by humans to serve the humans. But some policies, like this one, simply appear illogical to my coconut brain.

Maybe it has nothing to do with logic after all. Perhaps some big brainers can tell me why and enlighten my coconut brain.

If I owe the company money and tender my resignation, do you think my debt will also be forfeited ah?

8 Nov 2007 (7.25am)

Have I told you lately that I love you?

I had recently attended a wake while a christian service was in progress.

In the midst of our chatting, I seemed to hear something familiar and so I paid some attention to the speaker. He reminded us that if we love somebody, let the person know. Do not wait till it's too late to do so.

This is not a new message yet we don't seem to remember it all the time and need to be reminded. It's not only about saying 'I love you' but also to do things you have always wanted to do for your loved ones. We procrastinate, we delay, we forget.......and then we regret.

I have been reminded and if you are reading this, let this be a reminder to you too.

In case I should leave this world tomorrow, next week, next month or next year....please start saying 'you love me' too! :)

7 Nov 2007 (9.53pm)

Nostalgic......Fishball Noodle

I used to stay at a one-room flat at Pipit Road (near Circuit Road) with my parents when I was a toddler, up to the age of about 6. Next to the block was a market and hawker centre (it is still there) where mom and I always patronise, especially the fishball noodle stall. And so far, I cannot find another fishball noodle stall which I prefer to the Pipit Road stall.

That was the place where I started eating fishball noodles with mom's influence, I believe. During those times, I usually share the noodles with mom. Whenever we went there, it was the standard 'mee pok cheng hiam' (meaning the flat noodles with only chilli, ie no vinegar and ketchup).

This was close to 30 years ago.

I still miss the stall once in a while and I still do go back there once every one to two years, sometimes more. I will bring dad with me everytime.

I went back there again yesterday morning. I had been thinking about it over the past week. The craving was back so I was determined to make a trip back for a bowl of dried noodles when I was on leave on Friday. I think the last time I patronise was about 2 years ago. The seller uncle probably cannot remember me, but he remembers dad. Each time I go with dad, they will chat for a while (cant for too long cos boss has continuous orders).

The boss looked obviously older than those previous visits. His hair and moustache was apparently more grey (or rather all grey).

As usual, after dad ordered, I will sit there, waiting anxiously for the noodle to be served. I noticed something different this time. In the past, there was a bowl of red cut chilli, a bottle of light soy sauce and a bunch of chopsticks on each table, for self service. I thought that was pretty generous as stalls nowadays are not so generous with their chilli.

But yesterday, I saw there were nothing on the tables. Was wondering if it was the boss' decision for some reasons, or he is unable to do that now due to whatever regulations. I kinda miss the chilli.

I do not know if standards has changed or my taste is different, I feel that the noodle did not taste like before. Though it is still nice compared to a lot of other fishball noodles I have tried, the feel is somewhat different from the previous time I ate. The noodle didn't feel as tangy as before for one, and perhaps boss gave me too much chilli which affected the overall taste.

In any case, I am sure I will still miss it again after a while. So while I had fulfilled my taste bud yesterday, I am looking forward to my next opportunity to go avisiting again.


Haha, got a bonus yesterday - we saw MediaCorp artistes Fiona Xie and Aiyoyo Chen Liping and another old-timer whose name I cannot recall. They were doing some outdoor filming.

3 Nov 2007 (10.30am)